Bob and I knew from the day we found out that I was pregnant with our two-year-old twins, Parker and Caroline, that there was a higher power than us involved in placing us on this path. We already felt incredibly blessed to have our two sons, Bobby (age 14) and Hunter (age 11). With both pregnancies, I had experienced pre-term labor and was on medication and bed rest for months – praying, fighting for healthy babies. When we were told that I would unlikely conceive more children unless we went the invitro route, we declined because of the risk of multiples. My history of pre-term labor with our sons made it extremely unlikely that my body would be able to carry more than one baby. 

Then came that morning with a positive pregnancy test, and that same day, confirmation via ultrasound of not one, but two babies! My first thoughts were that I couldn’t carry two babies – would I carry these babies for months, only to lose them? From that first day, I felt so protective of these precious miracle babies that I feared I might never get to mother. I prayed that God would give me the opportunity to grow these children in the love I knew our home could provide. Fear turned to determination, and Bob and I went about educating ourselves on multiples and took every precaution to ensure that these babies had a fighting chance. We knew that this pregnancy, these babies, must be part of a larger plan that we might never understand. 

The day the sonographer told us that I was pregnant with both a boy and girl, I remember once we were alone, Bob beaming as he said, “I’m so glad there’s a girl in there.” He said he believed that God had sent Caroline to him as a “bonus.” At the time, this struck me as odd. We both adored our two sons and would have been happy with two more boys. But, the more I thought about it, the more I thought, Okay, this is going to be neat to have a girl! I could picture Caroline and me, rolling our eyes at each other at some of the crazy male antics that go on in our house. Bob and our boys could go do the boy things, Caroline and I would experience life’s girly treasures. I’d tell her all she needed to know about boys (as if she’d listen!), we’d shop for prom dresses together - yes, this girl thing would work out okay. Bob kept us all smiling throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, reminding us that he and his baby girl would take us all on. Caroline wouldn’t want to do the girly things, she would want to hang out with her daddy. She would definitely be a daddy’s girl, he would see to that!

As we expected, Caroline and Parker made their grand entrance earlier than expected, but at 4-1/2 pounds each, we were elated! Because I was 39 years old when the twins were born, my question while still on the operating table when the babies were being attended to by the Neonatologist, the NICU nurse, and my husband (who is also a physician), “Do either of them have Down syndrome?,” was answered with a resounding “No! They look great!” The wall of self-protection I had built around myself, just in case the answer had been different, came down. After months of worrying if I would be able to carry the twins, and if they would be normal, healthy babies, I relaxed. I was on top of the world! We had actually pulled this off! 

That night, Bob seemed distracted and I asked if he was alright. “Fine,” he said, “Just tired.” I believed him, he works long hours. The next morning, as I was in the NICU looking over my precious babies, I noticed that Caroline’s pinky finger curved slightly inward (little did I know this is a trait of Down syndrome). The Neonatologist and Bob were there as I asked if they had ever seen that before. The Neonatologist said that he had, and when I questioned what it meant, he replied that she would never be a concert pianist. You know what? I didn’t care. I just felt unbelievably blessed. It was only later when I was back in the NICU showing off the babies to a friend, when I saw Caroline without the cap she had worn to keep her temp up, without the CPAP tube that had run across her face to help with breathing, and with her eyes open for the first time, that I saw it. I can only describe the moment as suffocating when the nurse confirmed that they did indeed fear that she had Down syndrome. I felt like someone had pulled my world out from under me. It was not that I did not want her or love her. In fact, it was just the opposite - because of my love for her, I could not bear the thought that she would struggle. My precious Bob had known, but had borne this alone, hoping the results would be negative and I would never have to be hurt. I hurt for him - for months, I had heard about this “baby girl” that he would spoil beyond words; this baby that he was certain would absolutely adore her daddy. I felt that I had failed him, I had failed Caroline. If you could die from a broken heart, I would have died that day. It is true that nothing can show our vulnerability like our children. 

Initially, we mourned that our precious baby, Bob’s “Bonus from God,” would struggle. I think the turning point for me came when our then-eight-year-old son, Hunter, asked our Children’s Minister if Caroline would get to go to heaven. I knew this answer, but hearing her reply, “Straight to the arm of the throne,” put my life back on track. Somewhere in my grief, I had lost sight of the fact that God had a plan; that it was God’s grace that had allowed me to conceive and carry these babies, and it was God’s grace that would carry us. At the twins’ baby dedication, the life scripture that Bob and I chose for Caroline is from Jeremiah 29:11-13 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” God has a plan for Caroline – I have witnessed people that have been brought closer to God because of her. That’s what we’re all here for, to bring others closer to God, right? 

With Caroline’s birth, God sent our life on a different path, not a bad path, just a different path. Yes, she has Down syndrome, but she is so much more than that. Caroline is also funny, sassy, smart and absolutely beautiful. As Bob predicted, he has spoiled her beyond words, and she does absolutely adore her daddy! She has blessed our lives and made us appreciate all of our children’s accomplishments more than we ever could have without her influence. Every day, she makes us all laugh. Every day, I feel blessed to be her mother. She has her daddy and older brothers wrapped firmly around that curved little pinky of hers. Bob considers her now, more than ever, his “bonus” gift from God. As for me, I firmly believe she’s God’s bonus to us all. 

From a Grandmother’s Perspective 

I received a call very early one morning from my youngest daughter, Shawn. She said, “I’m pregnant…with twins.” Although I worried about her carrying two babies (she had problems in her two earlier pregnancies), I was happy for her and Bob. When the doctor said he didn’t think she could successfully carry twins, I agreed with Shawn and Bob’s opinion, that God had given them two babies and he would bring them through it.

Throughout the pregnancy, we all counted the months, then the weeks and days until the babies would be able to survive if born prematurely. Every day after that was reason to smile and give extra thanks. Later in her pregnancy, Bob’s mother or I would drive her for her twice-weekly doctor visits. Everything seemed to be going well, but still pointing toward premature delivery. Getting to see the twins (via sonogram) for the first time was a great experience for a grandmother anticipating the birth her seventh and eighth grandchildren! That very same morning, after getting Shawn back home from her check-up, the babies decided that they were ready to be born. Though I believe that Caroline made the decision with a well-aimed kick! 

Bob had asked me to drive him to the next parking lot for his car when I was ready to leave. On the way to his car, he said the doctor was going to run some tests on Caroline’s heart. I remember wanting to ask about Down syndrome, but couldn’t because somehow I felt if I put it into words, it would make it true. I was there the next day soon after Shawn found out. To see your child and her husband go through this kind of pain is terrible for a mother. I wanted to make things right for my child; I didn’t want her to be hurt. And Bob, God bless this wonderful man, I know that he knew what I only suspected the day the babies were born. Yet he held it in, giving my daughter a few more moments of joy, trying to protect her. The worst part for me was knowing I couldn’t make the hurt go away, that I couldn’t make everything right for my daughter.

Oh, but what a joy our little Caroline is! She is loved unconditionally by everyone she meets. She’s the only little girl in her home and she knows she is the Princess. She’s a typical princess…independent, happy, loving, and wants her way! Her older brothers and her twin all know she is special. Caroline is special, not because she has Down syndrome, but special for the wonderful little girl she is. 

Sarah Pearson