Big sister’s response to learning about Down syndrome 

When our second child, Chappell, was born with Down syndrome, her big sister Kaitlynn was three years old. We decided it was the right decision for our family if we waited for Kaitlynn to ask questions versus the possibility of overwhelming her with too much information too soon. Even with deciding that, we have always been very open from day one; easily discussing “issues” concerning Chappell having Down syndrome. Kaitlynn attended early intervention services, doctor’s appointments, and everything else that pertained to her little sister. I always wondered, however, when “the talk” would come. 

Kaitlynn was finishing her first year of Kindergarten when her questions began to let me know she was looking for answers. One day, while on our way to school, she asked if Chappell had a teacher. I thought back over the past three years of countless therapy sessions, times with Miss Vicki (our early intervention teacher), and her new teachers at preschool, Mrs. Donna and Mrs. Jean. I explained to Kaitlynn that all of these people were Chappell’s teachers. Kaitlynn seems to be a very analytical young lady; therefore, after a few more questions, I told her that the only difference between she and Chappell was the fact that Chappell was born with Down syndrome and Kaitlynn was not. I went on to explain that Down syndrome simply means that when God made Chappell, he decided to add a few extra ingredients. Maybe that explanation was not in medical terminology, but I knew that she could understand it more than my going into chromosomes and genetics with her being six years old. 

To explain further, I compared the facts that Kaitlynn and her best friend were both girls, which was the same, but one had brown hair and one had blonde hair. Neither of the girls’ hair types were good or bad, right or wrong, simply different; they were exactly the way God had planned. We talked about how blessed our family is for being one of the few chosen to love and care for a person with Down syndrome. I told her that I believe that God knew that Chappell would need a great role model, someone to look up to, an important person to show her all the great things about life. Chappell needed someone very special to be her big sister, not just anybody would do. I said that God looked down from Heaven and saw that we had the perfect person in our family for that job, and her name is Kaitlynn. 

Sitting in the driver’s seat, with her sitting behind me, I wondered what she was thinking. I couldn’t see her face, and when she responded, I was glad she couldn’t see mine. Her question, for a second, just stopped my heart. She simply asked, “I wonder why God only gave us one of her?”

As the years pass, I’m sure we will have other questions to answer, and there may not always be such a positive, accepting response, and that’s okay. But for now, Kaitlynn understands that being chosen to take part in such a special life is something to be treasured.

Tonka and Shannon Wallace 
110 Macy Drive, Philadelphia, MS 39350 
Phone: (601) 389-0929 
Our children: Kaitlynn 7 years; Chappell 4 years (DS); Will 19 months; Mary Caroline 19 months