I was 38 and I didn’t even know if I could get pregnant, but I did rather quickly. I read plenty of books about pregnancy and in them were lots of information about birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities especially for women over 35. I did worry enough to schedule an amniocentesis just to make sure only so I wouldn’t think about it. The day before the scheduled amnio I started to have severe cramping. I went to the doctor and they found three fibroid tumors. The doctor said he could attempt to do the amnio but it probably wouldn’t work because, in his words, the tumors looked as though they were strategically placed around the baby and if he did the amnio it probably wouldn’t work and my chances of miscarriage would increase, so my husband and I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. 

On September 8, 2003 Isabella was born and everything seemed to be fine because, believe me, I was waiting for them to tell me so. She was born a month early and weighed only 4 lbs 3 ozs so she had to stay in the NICU for a while. It was two days after she was born that the doctor told us that she suspected Down syndrome. It hit us like a ton of bricks and I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much. I was trying to deal with it because I didn’t have a choice and I prayed a lot because I really needed help. She had to stay in NICU for a couple weeks and I went there every day not knowing how I was going to do it. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, people have babies that are perfectly healthy all the time, but that wasn’t my reality. On top of everything else she had a congenital heart defect common in DS babies known as AV Canal defect. It was definitely more than I thought I could handle. We have lots of friends that tried to help and some social workers, but as grateful as I was for their attempt, they could only tell me things that were ordinary natural responses to someone in pain and I needed something deeper. I talked to other mothers of DS kids and I prayed which helped the most. 

Isabella finally came home and things seemed to change in my mind. The only thing I found myself thinking about was the upcoming heart surgery. I thought if she makes it through the surgery everything else would be a breeze. I began to understand in my mind what was really going on and how I felt about it and that it was more about her and not me. As I watched Isabella grow into this beautiful little girl, I realized that she really wasn’t any different than other children meaning she has the same needs. She may go to a different school than some children and she may have different goals depending on her disabilities, if any, but she will do what makes her happy and that’s all we really want for our kids is to be happy. We can’t predict the future whether we have a child with DS or not and I’m sure there are parents who wish that was the least of their problems. In other words my child may have DS and your child may have something else, but one thing I’ve learned life is not perfect for anyone. It’s how you choose to live it and your attitude. 

I honestly believe things happen for a reason. I’m not sure if we always know the reason, but if we really want to, I think we can figure it out. I am a different person now than I was before for the better. I feel as though I have been enlightened and I am a more spiritual person now. I am extremely grateful to God for my many blessings including Isabella and for all His help on this journey. I have never felt Him working in my life like He has the past year beginning with the amnio that never happened. 

Tye Burnham 
Phone: (601) 992-5189 
Email: tyeburnham@hotmail.com